101 Ways to Stay Connected to Your Child: A Guide to Positive Discipline
The class was very insightful. Here are Katharine Kersey's top 10 principles to remember when disciplining your child.
- Demonstrate Respect Principle- Treat the child the same way you do other important people in your life-the way you want to them to treat you-and others. (How would I want them to say that to me?)
- Modeling Principle- Model the behavior you want. Show the child, by example, how to behave. Children are watching us-all the time-and they will grow up to be like us-whether we want them to or not.
- Make a Big Deal Principle- Make a big deal over responsible, considerate, appropriate behavior - with attention (your eyeballs), thanks, praise,thumbs-up, recognition, hugs, special privileges, incentives (Not food).
- Incompatible Alternative Principle- Give the child something to do that is incompatible with the inappropriate behavior. "Help me pick out 6 oranges" (instead of running around the grocery store) If your husband is annoying you by playing his Gameboy, instead of berating him, simply ask him to help you by drying the dishes. ***I like how she connects husbands and children behavior. LOL***
- Choice Principle- Give the child two choices, both of which are positive and acceptable to you. "Would you rather tiptoe or hop upstairs to bed?" ("You choose or I'll choose.") "We need to clear off our desks. Do you need one minute or two?" (Then set the timer.) This can be used with spouses. "The garage needs to be cleaned out. Would you rather do it tonight or Saturday?" **Again, Genius!!!**
- When/Then- Abuse it/Lose it Principle- "When you have finished your homework, then you may watch TV." (No homework=no TV)
- Connect Before You Correct Principle- Be sure to "Connect" with a child-get to know him and show him that you care about him-before you begin to try to correct his behavior. This works well with parents too. Share positive thoughts with them about their child before you attack the problems!
- Validate Principle- Acknowledge (Validate) his wants and feelings. "I know you feel angry with your teacher and want to stay home from school. I don't blame you. The bus will be here in 45 minutes."
- Good Head On Your Shoulders Principle- Tell your child-frequently-especially as s/he reaches the teen years- "You have a good head on your shoulders. You decided. I trust your judgement." This brings out the best in the child and shows him/her that eventually he will be in charge of his own life and responsible for his/her own decisions.
- Belonging and Significance Principle- Remember that everyone needs to feel that s/he belongs and is significant. Help your child to feel important by giving him important jobs to do and reminding him that if he doesn't do them, they don't get done! Help him/her feel important by being responsible.
Fred and I have been trying to follow these principles. I will say this, it does take some time getting used to. I grew up in a household that followed the "Do as I say, not as I do!" principle and I kinda have been following that. I am realizing that that may not be the best approach. (My siblings and I are living proof).
So to all my parent readers who are having trouble with disciplining their children, try some of these.