Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy!

Oh...and thanks for stopping bye!!!

Sunday, May 3

I Feel Like I'm Being Tested!!

My weekend started off so great. Friday night.....hmmm? What did I do Friday night?

Oh that's right, I stayed home and played with Alexi. You see, already I am loosing it!

Anyway, to get back on track....my weekend started off great. I hung around the house Friday night and played with Alexi while Fred and our friend Chris went shopping for their fishing trip on Saturday. Things were great; it was a good night. Saturday morning Alexi and I slept in til 9 and then had waffles for breakfast. After we were done, Alexi "helped" mommy wax her legs. Actually she made sure to point out where the hair was on my legs (she's so observant). Anyway, after that was done we spent some mommy and me time. We got washed up, treated ourselves to some shopping at Target, had lunch and then headed off to get pedi's (well mommy got a pedi, Alexi just got her toes painted the same color as mommies). It was good quality time for Alexi and I. When we were all finished, we went home and got cleaned up for dinner. We were heading out to the Court Street Cordials in downtown Portsmouth with a group of friends for my friend Elizabeth's birthday. (It's just like The Melting Pot, only with a more city feel atmosphere. I highly recommend it, but for adults only. We took our kids with us and its not the most appropriate place to bring them along to.) Anyway, it was a great time for all. I could not have asked for a better day.

This morning I woke up feeling really great. Fred had left for church already (he sings in the 9 am service and then comes to pick Alexi and I up for the 11 am service). To quote "I was feeling great".... Alexi on the other hand was not. Her poor allergies. She was coughing so hard she was gagging. Needless to say, I texted Fred and told him not to come pick us up for the 11 am service and to just stay there to sing for it. Well that did not happen either. My neighbor was mowing my other neighbors house lawn (long story) and came running to my house yelling about a snake being 4" thick and as long as she was. Well of course I flipped out and texted Fred to come home now! I'm sorry to those that might think this is cruel, but I wanted that thing dead before it got to my daughter or any of the other neighbor kids. Anywho, after recruiting a neighbor and Fred arriving home, the so called 4" thick snake that was over 5' was killed (only to find out it was only 2" think and about 2 1/2' long...oh-well...it was dead). After all the hype was gone, Fred told me some disturbing news that was announced at the church that not only took me by surprise, but is making me question a lot more than I expected to on a day like today.

He told me that it was announced that our Pastor had an inappropriate relationship with the Youth Pastors wife (I will leave the details up to your imagination, most likely your imagination is right so no need to go there). It was as if the world had just stopped. I didn't know what to say. What do you say in a situation like this? Here is a person that I looked up to. Someone that made me want to go to church, after growing up in a household not being allowed to talk about God. This was someone that I respected and spoke so highly of. I was baptized in his presence and my husband met with him privately on personal matters. How could this be? Fred said that everyone just cried in the sanctuary. Part of me is glad that I was not there to witness as the Assistant Pastor spoke of this with tears in his eyes. I honestly don't know what I would have done.

This has hit me so hard that I can't seem to snap out of whatever I am feeling. My husband keeps telling me that that's why we don't follow a man for faith, but that we are to follow only God. I am having a tough time with this. When I was in that sanctuary, that is where I felt the closest to God, now I'm worried that I may not have that feeling again. I honestly am not sure I want to continue going there. I understand that they are just two people out of hundreds that are there and there are others to turn to, but the one that everyone counted on has lost our trust and just might have crushed our faith! Is this God testing me and my faith? I hope not, because right now I might be failing and it scares me.


  1. Oh man, this is really a tough one. I think it is important to keep in mind that even your pastor is human and not immune to temptation and sin. Your husband is right, we follow God, not man. This is a perfect example why. I think it is totally okay to be mad and hurt about this. Turn to God and ask him for guidance.

  2. Thank you Breanna for the words of encouragement. I know that I must turn to God in a time like this. It feels that something is pulling me away from Him. Please pray for me. I'm going to need all the prayers I can get right now.