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Tuesday, January 5

Putting the Pieces Back Together

Tonight I had dinner with some friends. It was a much needed night out. It gave a few ladies whom at one point in the past year can say that they were/are Broken. I for one, can say that when I woke up this morning, I was Broken. So Broken from family. So Broken from friends. So Broken by lies. So Broken from life. I was and still am Broken.

I contemplated deleting my blog and my facebook. I contemplated cutting off any ties to those that felt and still feel that it is ok to hurt me. Those that feed off of negativity bc it makes them feel better. Those that make assumptions bc its easier than believing the truth. Those that feel that its ok to lie to you bc they feel its in your best interest.

I'm tired. I'm tired of repeating myself. I'm tired of trying to prove myself. I'm tired of listening to the crap. I'm tired of listening to the excuses. I'm tired of being the nice guy. I'm tired!

I went to dinner tonight believing that it would be good for me. Boy was I right. I needed this time to let my hair down and vent. So did the others. It was good for all of us.

I made the comment that today was the first day in two weeks that I had not cried. Well I broke that when I got in the car to drive home. I'm ok with that though....It was a good cry. You see, Fred had left a 31 Miles CD in the car and the song Hold On came on. Let me tell you, I hit the repeat button and listened to it the whole ride home.

I needed tonight. I needed this song.

I'm going to Hold On. I'm going to hold on for my husband. I'm going to hold on for my children. Most of all I'm going to hold on for myself.

I don't know what the future will bring, but right now I'm going to Hold On!!

3 comments:

  1. You're singing my song, CD. Really, you are. I wouldn't go so far as to delete your FB or blog. Maybe go private or start blocking people. I did.

    I know you might think that you & I have fallen to the wayside, but we haven't. You needed space. I needed space. We'll get together again soon. You & I took giant leaps in 2009. I have to give you kudos for taking the first step. I heard somewhere the phrase, "No risk, no gain." That's what we did, girl. While it may not seem like we've gained anything but stress, the burden of "what if" and other worrisome issues, it's all gonna work out. It will. I hate to be so cliche, but vengeance will be ours. Didn't I tell you Karma called the office once?! (if I didn't, a woman named Karma seriously did)

    I know I'm broken. But, I've decided to let people talk, to let them assume, to let them wonder...because if they really wanted to know the truth, they would come asking for it. Don't harbor on those negative feelings. Don't even give THOSE people a thought. It's taken me quite some time to allow myself to get to this point, but I have. It's okay to not be nice anymore...the truth freakin' hurts, CD, and it's okay to let people know that. The day I let the truth be know, I honestly felt a sense of peace & calm wash over me. It sounds stupid & ridiculous, but it's true. I slept so well that night.

    Just know that you're not alone. You & I are in the same boat. We're fighting the same fight. We're both struggling to make a really big wrong into a right (if that's even possible). We're in this together, CD.

    Together.

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  2. And, you should totally hook up with Adam's Aunt Linda on the diaper cakes. Really. She makes them, but I think your cakes would be a great addition to her inventory. ;)

    http://www.lindasaffordableandqualitydiapercakes.com/index.html

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  3. It has been a very long while since i have come by here and working full time has limited my blog reading time quite a bit! I just want to say...thoughts and prayers for you in whatever situation is going on.

    Whatever you decide to do with your blog, I hope that you know that it is a pleasure having met you through your blog! You are a very kind person with a big heart! That was evident in the very first post that I read when I met you- regarding your family friend's loss of their daughter. I am finally getting to posting the drawing that I sent for the benefit that you were a part of in remembrance for their daughter.

    You have such a beautiful family!

    Blessings & Aloha!

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